In the last few years, quietly but with the occasional stab of pain to admonish me, Knee has taken over my life. I now behave in ways that a few years ago would have seemed ridiculous, but there we are, he is now in charge.
He begins first thing by reminding me to get up slowly and to be ever so careful how I put my trousers on, either sitting down or with a wall to lean against. Then we have to face the stairs and at that time in the morning the easiest way is to go down backwards! “Now then Martin sit down very gently and slowly with your cup tea or he will tell you off again.” Going upstairs remember to hang on the the rail as he might suddenly decide to let you down and then back down again maybe dot and carry one this time.
Knee will not let me get into the car the way I used to, one leg at a time. Now I must put my bottom in first, and then swivel my whole body round. At the Swimming Pool, it is down the steps into the pool.. backwards of course; and then the bliss of being able to flex the knee without any weight on it, but beware of swimming back stroke and trying to stretch the leg to kick! That is a definite no no! Getting out means putting the stronger leg up to the highest step and then pulling up so that pressure on knee is reduce to a minimum. Good thing I have strong arms!
Walking on the level is fine, but knee objects strongly to going downhill. Even a tiny slope will cause knee to tell me off for being too adventurous, so sometimes it is easier to walk in the gutter than attempt a pavement that goes up and down. Knee demands a stick for walking on rough ground, but even then if a larger slope appears, I am stranded and have to find another way down.
Knee will let me garden, but in moderation; and knee reminds me the next day if I do too much or if I fail to put on a tubular knee bandage to stop me from stretching too far in a way knee doesn’t like. Knee will let me kneel to do a bit of weeding, but if I forget to use my garden kneeler knee will decide not to let me get up without immense difficulty. It is the same in Church. As a priest I am supposed to go down on one knee and then get up, right in the middle of the church with nothing to hang on to. Knee makes this quite impossible of course, and quite a few years ago I gave up and resorted to doing a deep bow instead.
I am now so used to knee that I have written this to remind myself what I have to live with, and how often I have to take Paracetamol to keep knee as quiet as possible. Such is my life. Perhaps I need a new knee who will be kinder to me?
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